Well, it is going to be an interesing and seriously new year starting tomorrow. We are officially signing over the paper to lose the home I grew up in tomorrow. Quinwood is going to be sold and belong to a new family. It does do my conscious good knowing it is going to a very wealthy family that has come back up from Florida whose head of the house lived in McComb for years till he married. They have two daughters that are younger than me, one in Ole Miss and one who is a senior in high school. They are very well off so it seems and have many plans for the house to restore and beautify it. I just hope that they will not cut down any of the trees. When Papa built the house he built it literally around the trees, not a single one was cut to build the house. And we have cut little to none since I have been alive. And I am just hoping that the family will allow them to stay there because that is one thing that has always been a constant about the property... and I know that would just be another knife in Papa's back. His son has abandoned his family and left us to handle all the things that have been left there. Three generations alot of stuff... and me and mom knew little to no history on it to feel confident what we have kept is worth it at all. However, I am not even thinking about that... I am happy with what we have kept and I am proud of Mom for the decisions we have made. I am hoping that once the house is sold mom will not have to worry about our finances as bad as she is now. I also hope she can be brave enough to go back out into the world with her head held high and give love a chance again. I understand all too well about what she says about still loving Daddy... but neither of us can ever trust him again. And without trust there is no love.

I just wish the second to last day I spent on Quinwood's grounds that I had not have to see Holly dead. She was the sweetest and most wonderful dog I have ever had and I will not easily forget her. I raised her from a butterball puppy and to see her.... so horribly bloody and hurt... I still see her body in my head. When I close my eyes at night I see her just laying there... And I just hope that she did not linger on in pain.. I hope that she went quickly so she did not have to suffer. I just miss her so much.. and I had a dream with her raising up to lick me in the fact with her paws spread to put around me... and I woke up... And I just hope that was a sign from her that she is not mad at me for not being there for her. I justs really really hope that.. I don't know. I am still shaken about it... And it kills me. I miss her so much.

I lost my girl.. I lost my house. I lost my belief in my father being a good man.

I guess this is what growing up feels like.